Before I start into this, I want to make it clear that I do not believe I am the perfect driver. I don’t know that there is such a thing.
However, I don’t believe I am one of the following….or, at least rarely! These people “drive” me crazy: (not necessarily in this order, and in the spirit of not picking on any particular demographic, I will try to mixup the names with different genders and ethnicities. I do think that there are particular subgroups who are the worst drivers, but will leave that. For now.)
1. Tailgating Terry. OK, Terry….you are dangerous. An accident waiting to happen. It is very simple if you can count two seconds….one one thousand, two one thousand. Check out a checkpoint perpendicular to the driver in front of you and count at LEAST two seconds until your vehicle passes that point. Three, better, four, best. When you are too close, Terry….I WILL slam on my brakes if you stay there too long, to hopefully wake you up a bit or shake you out of your stupidity. Yes, I know, that is a little immature, but some people need a wake up. I absolutely loathe tailgaters. I am only guilty of this in the case of number 2, but I aspire to never be guilty.
2. Left Lane Lucy. Aaaarghhh…..I do NOT love this Lucy! Lucy drives in the passing lane, no matter what. Lucy will drive at exactly the same speed as the vehicle on her right and block anyone wishing to pass. Perhaps Lucy always wanted to have some power in her life and this is how she attains it by blocking anyone who she thinks might be going too fast. She doesn’t care if she is creating a hazard, because she is in control. I can admit to wishing I had a locomotive-style cow catcher on the front of my vehicle to run her off the road. Pass or get over!
3. Texting Tex. None of us should ever text and drive. Very dangerous….possibly as much as driving under the influence. Texting is for long stop lights, but please keep an eye on the light and go when it turns green, Tex.
4. Loco Lakeesha. Lakeesha hates to be behind anyone…..in any situation. She will pass on the right, cut off the vehicle in front of her, criss cross, trying to pass anyone and everyone when traffic conditions are so busy that she will go nowhere. She doesn’t care she is just going to find a way to get in front of SOMEBODY, even if she can go nowhere. If I had my way, she would be no-license-Lakeesha.
5. Whacky Juan. Juan thinks he can get to his destination faster if he races from stoplight to stoplight. Even when he sees the red light ahead and several cars waiting, he keeps his speed, then brakes at the very last second. Dude……you are going to hit someone, someday. Start slowing down and brake to a nice restful stop. I guarantee you will get there just as fast.
6. Dan the drunk. We all know about this one. Drinking and driving is lethal. Period.
7. Stoned Stephanie. See #6.
8. Blythe the Blocker. Blythe likes to see how much traffic she can stack up behind her. She drives 50 in a 65 when passing isn’t possible. Then, a passing lane opens up…and so does Blythe….speeding up to try and keep anyone from passing. Then, back to the no passing zone, she slows down, again. It is a good thing I am unaware of a device which would remotely blow out her tires, or I would own one. There is no excuse for this, in my book.
9. No signal Nancy. I know it takes an amazing amount of hand-eye coordination to be able to signal with your fingers while trying to figure out how to turn the wheel, Nancy, but if you are going to turn, please let me know….and mean it!!
How about you? Can you think of anyone I missed?